So, this morning I was looking in the mirror naked and I was checking myself out .. I'm thinking that I'm content with my size but something else annoyed me. I'm happy with my figure and shape but when I stepped on that scale, I was 217 .. when yesterday, I only weighed 215. I weigh ten pounds more than my buff ass dad and on the other hand, my brother was trying to lose weight and is seventeen pounds lighter than me. That's not right at all especially since I'm ready to start modeling again and I'm trying to become strapped like Amber Rose and not thick like Mo'Nique. It's nothing wrong with being big and healthy but that's not the lifestyle for me especially since I just seen & helped my 300-something pound Grandmother struggling to get off the floor. I definitely don't want to be like that, that just scared me for the rest of my life. I just feel like starving myself but I remember doing that in middle school and felt so faint. I couldn't even eat a whopper, just getting full from drinking water. Water fasting isn't where it's at .. but I'm so damn disappointed that I had a resource that I had at my fingertips and now that it's gone, I don't no where to begin. I remember last year when I said I want to become a personal trainer and that's in every step still true but I need to work on myself before I can work on others.
I noticed a trainer named Jillian Michaels. She's this fine ass personal trainer and when she was a teen, she was 175 and 5 feet even. Her mother enrolled her in Martial Arts training and I just wish that I had that tough ass support that she got and maybe I would be sitting here making excuses but then again, I have no clue to where to begin. I need help and inspiration to the masses. I look at pictures and I know what I want to obtain .. I don't even want to be thin. I just wanna pass the Milwaukee definition of strapped and thick & work into the eye candy strapped. How can I make clothes for a certain vision of women and not fit my own vision? I just get so annoyed and it really irks my nerves. How can I look like this?
When I'm trying to make clothes for girls and fashionistas that dress like her.
and her. I fuckin' live for fashionistas like them with urban backgrounds like me. They have an outstanding figure that I could just kill over. I want to be strapped and well proportioned.
I want to wear bad ass makeup like this. :) Ready to steez and style on 'em.
I want to go out and look like this by the time Summer of 2012 rolls around. I know I've been so focused on that specific time I'm absolutely sure that I'll be able to reach all of my goals. Fashionably, financially, physically, and emotionally. I'm ready for the real world, I'm ready to be happy. Opportunity is knocking on my door and I'm willing to take it. Another person that inspires me mentally and hustle wise is my girl, Vashtie Kola.
This girl is my ultimate idol for 2012. Her urban roots are present with in her style that makes me live for this hustle as well. Fashion is my newfound gift and styling is what I ultimately want to do. I'm ready for the hustle. Beauty is what I vain for not saying that I'm ugly but I'm indeed trying to get in touch with my inner diva by working my insides work flaunt off my outward beauty but I know I have it in me, just need to dig a little deeper inside of me and knowing that I'm beautiful inside. Vashtie's inward beauty is what intrigues me. She has a lot of talents. Director, Party Planner, Clothing Designer .. all underground and living in an East Village Apartment in NYC. I want to be the one to put Milwaukee on the map and live on the Eastside and just enjoy life. Chilling on Juneau .. hitting or working at Bally's with a side hustle with my camera with just plently of dough stashed in my bank but for now, I'm chilling in a Northside flat with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles PJ pants, just dreaming I'm ready to work hard and fast. Entertainment and media is my life and I'm willing to do this for myself, for KUSH Life, for my family, and everyone that I let down in my total fuckups. 2012 is the end of disappointments .. it's time to be selfish and get everything for myself and then, magically love comes along the way but right now, I'm just working on getting mines.
I'm giving everyone that thinks negative about me the 2012 deuces anyone that fucked me over literally and mentally. I've made a minor slip up recently but now I'm really learning of how to deal with it. I'm just ready to work on me. I've noticed that I'm the bomb at giving advice but at the same time, I'm learning about my life myself. I'm ready to stop fantasizing and work on what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm gonna keep ya'll updated with KUSH Life. The website in the works soon. It's gonna be the hottest thing of the year in Milwaukee, then next Chicago, then New York, and then Los Angeles. I just need to let the world know that Milwaukee is more than twang and bang but it is more artist out here that are trying to do something with thierselves as far as art and music goes.
I'm just ready to breathe, keep calm, smoke my kush, and live life. It's time for me. Adios 2011 and Helloooo 2012. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment