feeling a bit random ; california crusing.

So, I decided to trail on down to my middle school alma mater yesterday with one of my good friends, let's just call her .. ummmm, Toni. Let's give Toni a pretty picture shall we?

We're gonna call my good friend, Toni. That's her picture.

So, Toni & I are both graduates of this school. We graduated in 2007 and things change since then, of course. When I was in middle school, I was a loser .. a bum, offkey, and totally not the Roxy that I am today.

Totally not cool at all. That's me on the right, of course.

I like to think that I have improved .. A LOT!

But when Toni was in middle school, she was "popular". Granted, it was only 40 of us in one grade level and at the time, we were clique-y and I had a set group of friends. 

Me in middle school, I'm Jimmy Neutron damn it! Sheen is the quirky girl, Angel.
And the fat pig shall not be named.

I ended up being an outcast though. I was the somewhat kinda cool girl but no one gave a chance because I didn't keep up with myself .. and I still don't in a way but now, I'm tightening reigns on that. I had a quirky girl as a best friend that was and still is in love with anime & Daniel Radcliffe as far as I know and then, another fat girl that's just lame. She was lamer than I was and now, she's in Seattle I guess living the Twilight life with some ginger kid. I don't know .. I just know that I don't like the bitch and if I ever see her again, she's hanging on the Hoan bridge where she belongs. :D It's harsh but don't act fake towards me. You won't like the outcome. I know the reason why you left Milwaukee .. don't act foolish. -_- Point. Blank. Period. ANYWAYS!

Toni and I always associated with each other. Even when the other "popular" kids looked at us in confusion when talking to each other, she didn't give a fuck. I remember just not wanting to be who everyone thought I was and I wanted to be "popular" and I thought Toni was my fairy godmother. She taught me some shit but I still was a lame until I made it into high school. Toni & I started to hang out with each other and then, we'll stop and start again. It wasn't until junior year when we hooked up again and became very good friends. She became one of the coolest girls you'll ever hang out with. She might come off as a bitch but when you get to know her, she can be good peeps. 

Now after a good four years and everyone is into thier lives, I'm in school for Fashion Marketing working on KUSH Life. Toni's off stockbroking trying to make that good cash, helping me a bit. We decided to head up to our alma mater to see what's going on and to check up on a good teacher of ours. We decided to give an update on our lives and BOOM, I see one of my old middle school friends. Obviously, not the grotesque pig that lives her life in Forks but the quirky girl. I stood to myself, ripped jeans .. Reagan Senior Hoodie and blonde hair with purple Vans. I never dreamed of looking at my ex-best friend with Winnie the Pooh fleece sweater, brown suede jacket, with straight legged jeans and dirty trainers. She was supposed to be my ride-or-die bitch .. we were supposed to be best friends forever. Angel was supposed to be my girl but instead, I let go all of myself and disguised myself to be someone dynamic so they get to know the fabulous me and ended up with my outgoing friends like Toni, who likes to party and have fun and it made me think .. what if I ended up with having Angel as my best friend for life? It only brought me to the what ifs?

Would I dare to dream of being everything that I am today? A seventeen year old sexbomb? Someone who loves to be different and doesn't give a fuck about what people have to say? It made me ponder. Would Roxy ever be created? Let alone Taylor? Alter egos are healthy to have for the wierdos that just think you're looney in the brain to have them. But now the past is behind us because everyone knows that the ugly duckling has potential to become a swan. 

Angel's now working to get a culinary arts degree and become a chef. Cool story bro! And I'm guessing her twin brother, Angelito is becoming an artist. Oh. I wish them the best of luck in their endeavors as I work on mines. I'm just working to get out of the hood. I'm pretty sure no one would guess that I live on 41 and Burleigh. I'm guessing that a upper Northside flat, would better describe my place of residence. I'm gonna be late for school now .. so I'm gonna wrap this up and get out of here.

Life giving me lemons.

One of my favorite variants of the quote is that "when life gives you lemons, throw them at pedestrians". Right now, I got my arm extended to get ready to throw them. Last night, it seemed like the emotions shifted pretty heavily. As soon as one mood got lifted, mine's went down but I'm not about to Drak-ify this post. I promise ya'll something funny and that's what ya'll gonna get. Yesterday, one of my acquaintances came over and literally irked my nerves. She's a transsexual who goes by the name of "Trina". I'm not the one to diss anyone's lifestyle or sexual pref but DAMN ..

Can't nobody be annoying yet hilarious, I might be 17 but I have the maturity tolerance of a 34 year old. I don't have time for the retardedness but then, I started to think. Where else do people belong that annoying to some but hilarious to others? * And the second answer I thought of was YouTube. Niko + "Miss Trina" + YouTube = Possible Google Partner?

 WHOP, WHOP, WHOP, BITCH MOB! Last night, I was high out of this world and it's always those fuckers that end up blowing my high but somehow, they magnificently ended catching over a ton of footage with my mellowness on the line. I guess My Sanity < Becoming Google Partner ..

All I know is that I can monetize her and everyone will be happy, she'll be famous & I'll gets all duh monies and I won't even become bothered by her anymore. All I will be able to hear is the cha-ching sound everytime she walks past.

Call me the newest media pimp, if you will because if I don't get that money .....

Not a single fuck will be readjusted because I don't have enough to give. The videos will be placed on YouTube soon. So, look out for them and shout out to those future GLAAD posts and all that other shit.

Make sure to add her fan page if you're on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Miss-Trina/258256870907127 ; WHOP, WHOP, WHOP .. BITCH MOB!

* The first thought that came to mind was Hell but I'm sure nobody would've agreed on that one. ;)

WTF!?

I don't understand with some people. I hate how some people can be so mentally confusing. One minute, you're all on me and the next .. I don't know. I'm sitting up here mad at someone that's not even my girlfriend and it irks the shit out of me. I can't help it though .. why would you talk to me about someone else? .. and it's FAMILY! You knew I liked you and it's like you just literally said, "fuck you and your feelings. Oh, and I want your cousin too." Do you guys know how many times I've been through that? Well, in 2012 .. I'm not going through that anymore. Even if that does mean being a bitch to people. Don't fuck with me. I don't have time for that.

I wasn't even gonna post anything until later on but I just needed to get some stuff off of my chest. I usually don't believe in that whole new year, new me but I think I'm in desperate need of that change. People steady want to fuck me over and I'm tired of it. Now, I'm just trying to deal with this anger that I have and I'm not gonna go to sleep until it's all released, which might be after this post but of course, she's not gonna know that. Of course, I'm a joking person and I love to play around but that just crossed the line like seriously. She just doesn't know how much that just physically and mentally hurt and I'll be damned if I was just gonna smile and let her keep going. I'm not too bold on telling anyone off to their faces but trust me, that's coming soon.

I think I'm a pretty dope girl, what you think so far? I feel like I'm "Drake" - ing my blog up a bit. So, I promise you guys something funny the next time I come up here or something that's uplifting and not so damn depressing. I promise.

Nothing but smiles now but sometimes, it is what it is I guess. Living and learning one step at a time.

Daily Ramblings - The Ultimate Goal of 2012

So, this morning I was looking in the mirror naked and I was checking myself out .. I'm thinking that I'm content with my size but something else annoyed me. I'm  happy with my figure and shape but when I stepped on that scale, I was 217 .. when yesterday, I only weighed 215. I weigh ten pounds more than my buff ass dad and on the other hand, my brother was trying to lose weight and is seventeen pounds lighter than me. That's not right at all especially since I'm ready to start modeling again and I'm trying to become strapped like Amber Rose and not thick like Mo'Nique. It's nothing wrong with being big and healthy but that's not the lifestyle for me especially since I just seen & helped my 300-something pound Grandmother struggling to get off the floor. I definitely don't want to be like that, that just scared me for the rest of my life. I just feel like starving myself but I remember doing that in middle school and felt so faint. I couldn't even eat a whopper, just getting full from drinking water. Water fasting isn't where it's at .. but I'm so damn disappointed that I had a resource that I had at my fingertips and now that it's gone, I don't no where to begin. I remember last year when I said I want to become a personal trainer and that's in every step still true but I need to work on myself before I can work on others.

I noticed a trainer named Jillian Michaels. She's this fine ass personal trainer and when she was a teen, she was 175 and 5 feet even. Her mother enrolled her in Martial Arts training and I just wish that I had that tough ass support that she got and maybe I would be sitting here making excuses but then again, I have no clue to where to begin. I need help and inspiration to the masses. I look at pictures and I know what I want to obtain .. I don't even want to be thin. I just wanna pass the Milwaukee definition of strapped and thick & work into the eye candy strapped. How can I make clothes for a certain vision of women and not fit my own vision? I just get so annoyed and it really irks my nerves. How can I look like this?

When I'm trying to make clothes for girls and fashionistas that dress like her.

and her. I fuckin' live for fashionistas like them with urban backgrounds like me. They have an outstanding figure that I could just kill over. I want to be strapped and well proportioned.

I want to wear bad ass makeup like this. :) Ready to steez and style on 'em. 

I want to go out and look like this by the time Summer of 2012 rolls around. I know I've been so focused on that specific time I'm absolutely sure that I'll be able to reach all of my goals. Fashionably, financially, physically, and emotionally. I'm ready for the real world, I'm ready to be happy. Opportunity is knocking on my door and I'm willing to take it. Another person that inspires me mentally and hustle wise is my girl, Vashtie Kola.

This girl is my ultimate idol for 2012. Her urban roots are present with in her style that makes me live for this hustle as well. Fashion is my newfound gift and styling is what I ultimately want to do. I'm ready for the hustle. Beauty is what I vain for not saying that I'm ugly but I'm indeed trying to get in touch with my inner diva by working my insides work flaunt off my outward beauty but I know I have it in me, just need to dig a little deeper inside of me and knowing that I'm beautiful inside. Vashtie's inward beauty is what intrigues me. She has a lot of talents. Director, Party Planner, Clothing Designer .. all underground and living in an East Village Apartment in NYC. I want to be the one to put Milwaukee on the map and live on the Eastside and just enjoy life. Chilling on Juneau .. hitting or working at Bally's with a side hustle with my camera with just plently of dough stashed in my bank but for now, I'm chilling in a Northside flat with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles PJ pants, just dreaming I'm ready to work hard and fast. Entertainment and media is my life and I'm willing to do this for myself, for KUSH Life, for my family, and everyone that I let down in my total fuckups. 2012 is the end of disappointments .. it's time to be selfish and get everything for myself and then, magically love comes along the way but right now, I'm just working on getting mines.

I'm giving everyone that thinks negative about me the 2012 deuces anyone that fucked me over literally and mentally. I've made a minor slip up recently but now I'm really learning of how to deal with it. I'm just ready to work on me. I've noticed that I'm the bomb at giving advice but at the same time, I'm learning about my life myself. I'm ready to stop fantasizing and work on what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm gonna keep ya'll updated with KUSH Life. The website in the works soon. It's gonna be the hottest thing of the year in Milwaukee, then next Chicago, then New York, and then Los Angeles. I just need to let the world know that Milwaukee is more than twang and bang but it is more artist out here that are trying to do something with thierselves as far as art and music goes.

I'm just ready to breathe, keep calm, smoke my kush, and live life. It's time for me. Adios 2011 and Helloooo  2012. :)

About Me. :)

Hey, just like I promised I've decided to put an about me up here and take my ass to sleep. So, ciao and I'll talk to you guys later.

A Basic About Me (100+ questions) Created by friendly-fire and taken 1604 times on Bzoink
What's your name?:	Jasmine Morgan. Known as Taylor Kushh or Roxy.
Do you still attend school?:	Yeah, I'm a college student at Art Institute of WI
How tall are you?:	Umm, 5 foot - something.
Do you wish you were taller or shorter?:	A tad bit taller but not amazon.
Do you wear glasses/contacts?:	I'm supposed to be wearing glasses but they broke.
What color is your hair?:	It's blonde now.
What color are your eyes?:	Always brown to light hazel, depending on the season
Your best physical feature::	My boobs
Your best personality trait::	Flirtatious
Favorites
Color?:	Black, White, Turquoise & Purple.
Non-alcoholic drink?:	Mountain Dew or Monster
Food?:	Pizza
Genre of music?:	All types
Band?:	I don't have a favorite band.
Singer?:	None as of now.
Movie?:	Brown Sugar, Coming to America, and Friday
Actor?:	None
Television show?:	The Simpsons and Two & A Half Men ( with Charlie Sheen )
Current song?:	California by Wiz Khalifa
Concert you've attended?:	Wiz Khalifa - Summerfest '11
School project you've done?:	KUSH Life mock presentation.
Place to be?:	Away from home.
Book?:	Crystal, Give Me Mine, and Secrets of the City.
Person to be with?:	I don't have one of those.
Flower?:	Ummm, no.
Website?:	Facebook, Twitter, and Invisionfree RP Sites
Ice cream flavor?:	Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Pizza topping?:	Pepperoni
State?:	California or New York City
Country?:	Canada
Culture?:	French & Latino
Religion?:	I don't have a favorite religion.
Politician?:	Obama, Obama, Obama ..
U.S. President?:	Obama, Obama, Obama ..
Language?:	French
School subject?:	Lunch, bro.
Accent?:	United Kingdom
Moment in History?:	Don't Ask, Don't Tell bill appealed.
Thing about Bzoink?:	What the fuck is a Bzoink?
This or That
Eat or drink?:	Drink
Watch a movie or T.V.?:	T.V.
Books or magazines?:	Both
Color or black & white films?:	Color
Cell phone or camera?:	Cell phone
Rock or Rap?:	Rap
Country or folk rock?:	Country
Alternative or Indie?:	Indie
Rap or hip-hop?:	Hip-Hop
Screamo or metal?:	Screamo
Guitar or bass?:	Both, yo.
Drums or Piano?:	Piano
Water or soda?:	Water
Pizza or hamburgers?:	Ohhhhhh my gosh, don't make me choose.
Love or money?:	Can't I have both?
God or the Buddha?:	Neither
War or creation?:	Creation
Meat or vegetables?:	Veggies. ^_^
Life or death?:	Purgatory
Music
What's your favorite genre of music? Why?:	Neo-soul because it's nice and mellow. Something you can chill and smoke too.
If you could play any instrument, which would you chose? Why?:	Piano because that's one of the most sexiest percussion instruments to play.
Would say music is an important part of your life?:	Hell yeah, my whole day is around music.
Have you ever seen your favorite band/singer in concert?:	Hell yeah, Wiz MF Khalifa.
If so, did you get to meet them after the show?:	Unfortunately, no. I wish I could've though.
Have you ever been to a concert? How many?:	Yeah, it's too many to claim.
Do you play any intruments?:	Nope
Last song you listened to::	Head of the States by Baracka Flocka Flames.
Does this song have any meaning to you?:	Hell no, funniest shit ever.
Movies
Last movie you watched::	Coming to America
Did you think this movie was good?:	Yeah.
Did it make you laugh at all?:	All the damnnnn time.
Favorite quote from a movie::	"So, when did you fall in love with Hip Hop?"
Does this quote have any meaning to you?:	My whole life.
If you had to be in a movie, what would the movie be about?:	A star-studded African American romantic comedy
What's your favorite movie? Why?:	Brown Sugar because it's a hip hop love story.
Favorite movie character?:	Jessica Rabbit
Books/magazines
What's your favorite book? Why?:	Give Me Mine because it was raw talent from a Milwaukee author
What's your favorite magazine? Why?:	Elle & Vogue because I love fashion.
Do you enjoy reading?:	It's alright if I'm captivated
Favorite quote from a book::	Don't have one.
Does this quote have any meaning to you?:	Not really.
Are you subscribed to any magazines? Which?:	Yeah, it's either Elle or Vogue. I'm too lazy to check.
Favorite book character?:	Don't really have one.
Favorite book genre?:	Urban
What kinds of magazines do you like to read?:	Fashion magazines
Friends/Family
Who is your best friend?:	I really don't have one of those.
Do you trust this person a 100%?:	How can I trust 'em if I don't have one?
Do you have a lot of friends? Do you think that matters?:	I have a content amount.
Do you still live with your parents?:	Nope.
Do you have any siblings? What are their names?:	Rashard, Destiny, Daphne, Tremaine, Symone, and Christopher
Were you adopted?:	Nopeeeee.
Are you a twin?:	I fuckin wish, yo.
Do your parents/guardians like all of your friends?:	Doesn't really matter.
Do your friends like your parents?:	Yeah.
Love
What is your current relationship status?:	I'm single.
Are you happy about that? Why or why not?:	I'm okay about it. It gets depressing sometimes when your friends are busy with their boyfriends.
Do you need a significant other to be happy?:	I would like to believe that I don't.
Have you ever been in love?:	Not that I recall, just heavy infatuation.
Do you believe in love at first sight? Why or why not?:	Nope, just heave infatuation.
Have you ever been kissed?:	Yeah
Do you want to get married?:	Hell yeah.
Do you like to keep your personal life private or spread it all around?:	It depends.
Have you ever had a broken heart? Is it healed now?:	Yeah, still is a bit.
Food/drinks
What is your favorite food?:	Pizza and Hamburgers
Favorite Italian dish::	Chicken Alfredo
Favorite Mexican dish::	Empanadas
Do you like Chinese food?:	Hell fuckin yeah.
What's your favorite kind of soda?:	Mountain Dew
Hot or ice tea?:	Hot chai tea.
What is one thing you refuse to drink?:	Milk
You refuse to eat?:	Seafood, raw onions, tomatoes, olives, red and green peppers.
Best thing you've ever eaten::	Barbecue Chicken Pizza
Random
What are some of your interests?:	Singing, modeling, taking pictures.
The person you have the most in common with::	Vashtie and Amber Rose
What do you like to do when your bored?:	Get on the computer or sleep.
Are you a fast typer?:	I like to think so.
What is the weather like today? Are you enjoying it?:	Cold af and hell no.
Are you excited for summer or would you rather be in school?:	I'm excited for the summer.
Do you have a job? What is it?:	No, I don't have a job.
What are your plans for the future?:	Own a store by 21 years old.
Do you believe Barack Obama will change things?:	Fuck yeah, he's already have.
What type of mood are you in today?:	I'm very moody.
Do you write on an online blog? Does it get a lot of hits?:	In fact I do have a blog but I just started it.
Would you consider yourself an interesting person?:	Yeah
What do you plan on doing after this survey?:	Posting this on my blog and cutting off the computer
Do you like the movie "Finding Nemo"?:	Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
Do you make jewelry?:	What the hell?
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Different shit, different year.

First of all, happy new years to everyone I hope your first three days of the New Year was awesome. I've had a fantastic night on New Year's but after that, it's been pretty okay. My brother's been here for the past couple of days with his best friend and they're good company. After my room mate's leaving, I've been feeling pretty lonely. Trying to desperately ask ANYONE .. to my liking, of course .. to come over and they came to the rescue. I've been enjoying the random insiders and shit like that but something is bothering me. I hate when I get in these crazy ass depressed moods and shit don't get better as the days are shorter. Somedays, I'm happy and joyful and other days I'm not. That really gets annoying at times but I'm trying to learn how to cope .. besides smoking cause a bitch is broke right about now & nobody trying to help a sista out in this economy. 

On a another note, my celibacy is going good. I don't know how long it's been but I'm not really counting nor do I care. I'm just glad that everyone is respecting my wishes. Not to lie, I do have urges that irk the shit out of me but I have methods to calm those down. I just want to be right for whatever person is willing to treat me as a priority and not an option. I'm learning how to have standards and STICKING to them. Now, the standards are set high and I'm not gonna knock them down for no one. You might as well put a chastity belt on me cause a lot of niggas seriously don't have a chance. I don't do the stuff that I'm doing now just to put you on blue balls .. I'm doing this for my health and my self being. If I'm not good enough to date then I'm not good enough to fuck. I don't care who you are and how long I've been knowing you. Sure, I'm a big ass flirt but if you're not in a committed relationship with me for THREE months, you are not entering inside this cooch.

Sure, it's been those "Baby, can I see you one last time?" scenarios and I'm not even trying to give them the time of day anymore .. sex is so empty now. I don't have a connection with anyone anymore and I want to experience that with someone new. A fresh new relationship because I'm so damn jealous of the awesome but sometimes, tumultuous relationships. They look so cute together and I would like someone to melt this cold ass heart of mine but not just anyone. Someone that will treat me like a queen just because it's Wednesday. Someone that'll treat me as a priority and not an option. Someone that thinks I'm beautiful and not because I have a nice rack and a big ass. Someone that can take me to a mental high and not just a physical high. I just want that love that you find in those love songs. Someone to teach me that love isn't overrated and that it can be just as magical as I've always dreamed it would be .. but I'm kinda figuring that she or he isn't here for me, here as in Milwaukee. As soon as I get some money, I'm getting the hell out of here.

School starts back on the 9th and I'm ready to get serious about school and working on my line. I got put on Academic Probation for failing English and Fundamentals of Design. Now, I have to retake the damn course along with it's next course but on a good note, I'm glad that I start my trends and concepts class soon. I'm so geeked up for that to learn what's hot and what's not and how to fashion forecast. This is going to be an interesting class. I really need to buckle down because I'm really trying to do something with my life. I know that in four months I will be applying for my bartending license and try to apply for every last bar on Water Street and also, apply at every hookah bar in Milwaukee as well, have to get this money somehow. I've been trying to apply to every store in Milwaukee that I can find and to no avail .. so the job search continues.

Well, I'm ending it off on this note and I'll make sure to write an introductory piece of me soon, maybe facts about me or some shit but until then, adios.